Have you ever written a text message as a response to someone, erased it, and rewrote it so the tone can sound right to the person read it? Written a email and rephrased it numerous times so it doesn't come off as offensive and reported to HR? Go through a lot of wardrobe changes to get the look right for date night?
If they sound familiar, you’re not alone—and you might be dealing with perfectionism.
Let’s break down what perfectionism really is, how it shows up in everyday life, how it affects our mental health, and most importantly—how to overcome it and start living with more ease and self-compassion.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the belief that anything short of perfect is unacceptable. It’s the inner voice that says, “Not good enough. Try harder.” While it might seem like a drive for excellence, perfectionism often stems from fear—fear of failure, judgment, or not being worthy. Over time, it can lead to anxiety, procrastination, burnout, and even low self-esteem.
Real-Life Examples of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be sneaky. It doesn’t always look like having a perfectly color-coded calendar or spotless house (though it can!). Here are some everyday examples:
At Work or School: Spending way too much time revising a task—even when it's already done. Avoiding submitting a project until it feels flawless (and missing deadlines in the process). Beating yourself up over small mistakes.
In Your Creative Life: Never sharing your art, writing, or ideas because they’re “not ready yet.” Constantly comparing your work to others and feeling like it doesn’t measure up.
In Relationships and Social Settings: Replaying conversations in your head, obsessing over whether you said the “right” thing. Avoiding social situations because you fear judgment or embarrassment.
In Everyday Routines: Getting frustrated over small details—like a crooked frame or smudged eyeliner. Feeling like things are “off” if they’re not done your way.
How Perfectionism Affects Mental Health
Perfectionism can have a huge impact on mental health—often in ways people don’t realize at first. What starts as a desire to do well can slowly become a mental and emotional burden. Here's how:
Increased Anxiety: Perfectionists often feel constant pressure to meet impossible standards. This creates a cycle of worry, overthinking, and second-guessing—even over small things. The fear of failure or being judged can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. “What if it’s not good enough?” becomes a constant internal soundtrack.
Chronic Stress: Trying to maintain perfection takes a toll on your nervous system. The mind is in a constant state of alert—planning, checking, fixing, redoing. Over time, this leads to mental and physical exhaustion.
Procrastination and Paralysis: Ironically, perfectionism often causes people to avoid doing things. If you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly, you might not start at all. This leads to procrastination, unfinished tasks, and feelings of guilt or shame.
Low Self-Esteem: Perfectionists tend to tie their self-worth to their achievements. So when things go wrong (or even just not "perfectly"), they take it personally. Mistakes feel like personal failures, not just part of being human. "If I'm not perfect, then I'm not enough." That kind of belief system can quietly chip away at your confidence.
Depression: Over time, perfectionism can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and sadness—especially when the gap between expectations and reality feels unbridgeable. Perfectionists often struggle to feel satisfied or proud, even when they achieve something great.
Burnout: Whether at work, school, or in personal life, perfectionists often overwork themselves to meet unrealistic goals. They take on too much, push too hard, and rarely rest. Eventually, the body and mind hit a wall—leading to physical fatigue, emotional detachment, and burnout.
Social Isolation: Perfectionists may fear vulnerability or being “seen” in a less-than-perfect state, so they withdraw from others. This can lead to loneliness and a lack of genuine connection.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Here are some practical, gentle ways to loosen the grip of perfectionism:
Challenge Black-and-White Thinking: Life isn’t all-or-nothing. Instead of “It’s perfect or I failed,” try “It’s done, and that’s good enough.”
Set Realistic Standards: Ask yourself: Would I expect this from a friend? Probably not. Be kinder to yourself.
Practice Self-Compassion: Mistakes don’t define your worth. Remind yourself: I’m allowed to be a work in progress.
Embrace Imperfection on Purpose: Do something imperfectly on purpose—leave a typo in your notes, wear mismatched socks, post that unfiltered picture. It’s liberating.
Focus on Effort, Not Outcome: Celebrate the trying, not just the result. Effort is where growth happens.
Set Time Limits: Don’t let a small task eat up hours. Give yourself a time block and stick to it—progress over perfection.
Reframe Failure: Failure is just feedback. Every “mistake” is a step toward learning something new.
Reach Out for Support: You don’t have to do it alone. A therapist or coach can help you work through perfectionistic patterns with support and care.
Conclusion
Perfectionism might feel like a badge of honor—but it can be a quiet thief of joy, creativity, and peace of mind. The good news? You can unlearn it.
Give yourself some grace and permission to be human, to be messy, to learn and grow. Because done is better than perfect—and you are already enough.