I Deserve More Than This

Has anyone ever been in a situation where you and your potential partner want to be in a relationship, and you are the only one who puts in the effort to fully establish one?

This is what I have been dealing with for 3 YEARS. Yup, your read that right! 3 WHOLE YEARS. 

We initially met in college in 2014, and chose to wait to start a relationship after we both graduated because of our course load. That time came and went, and we started entering the beginning stage of the relationship in 2019: texting. 

We made attempts to see each other in early 2020. However, our attempts failed due to the pandemic shutdown that was put in place. He was in between jobs and I was working from home. The texting (and a phone call or two) continued. (During this time, we sporadically learned more about each other and our past traumas/triggers.)  
When places started to open back up and people started going back to the office, I often asked when we would see each other, knowing that we don't live far from each other. The response I always received is: "I'll let you know." Follow-ups to those responses were ignored. It was clear and understood that they had a lot going on, so I dealt with it. 

That changed a tiny bit when I got a chance to see them before they went on vacation in early September 2022. I went and met up with them, talked for maybe 30-45 minutes about random stuff, and I went back home. No other attempts were made to carve out time for me soon after our first meet up in three years.
Soon after, texting became non-existent on their end, and the opposite on my end. A few days will go by without hearing from them. I would send messages to check on them, messages go unread for another couple of days, receive a quick "I love you...I miss you" response, then they would disappear again. 

Over time, they would text asking for help due to not having a good support system. Being the person I am, and always seeing the good in people, I helped under the understanding/promise that the actions would be reciprocated.  

It has been 3 years and none of the things I have done to help them hasn't been reciprocated.
Anything I express to them goes in one ear and out the other. Any advice I gave them never gets considered nor done for their benefit. I only received a "good morning" text from them ONCE. They never checked on me or my well being (which says a lot). 

I've realized that they are keeping me in their life for their convenience, and not for the love they claim to have for me. It hurts so much because I always saw myself being in a strong relationship with them that leads to marriage and kids in the future. Never had I imagine living my life with constantly worry and stress for someone who really doesn't care about me.  

I want to be in a relationship where someone offers  honesty, consistency, true love, happiness, transparency, vulnerability, and intimacy into the relationship, block off some time in their busy schedule to get to know me so we can build a strong foundation, take me out on dates, meet my family, learn and grow with me, and more.  

After facing and accepting this realization, I am ready to let go and move on. 

Time to get off this hamster wheel, and look out for me and what I want.
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